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News You Can Use - Joe Shlabotnik Is My Hero [Who Is Joe Shlabotnik?] [20 Random Pictures Taken By Peter] [What Is Peter Reading?]
September 13th, 2006
02:13 pm

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News You Can Use


Princeton, June 2, 2006 - If there was anything else that happened in the world while we were at Reunions, we didn't hear about it. We're pretty well-insulated there.

I didn't buy the paper; the headline told me pretty much all there is to know. For example, I know there were no zombies involved because "Corpse Molester Kept Zombie Sex Slaves" would have been an irresistibly better headline. Probably no teenagers, either. Too bad. "I Was A Corpse Molester's Teenage Zombie Sex Slave" would have made a great magazine article title.

What I didn't learn is how a corpse molester finds a sex slave in the first place. I mean, I'm a decent enough guy, and I've never been successful at attracting a sex slave. Yet a freaking corpse molester manages to get one. Life is so unfair.

(Yay! 3 comments! | Please leave a comment!)

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From:tigermelp
Date:September 13th, 2006 07:44 pm (UTC)

randomly...

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Don't be silly! Nothing else ever happens during Reunions.

But I have a question about the Trentonian's unfortunate cover photo. Are we looking at a picture of the prosecutor? Or is the corpse molester just impeccably groomed? It looks as though he may have been photographed in flagrante delicto...perhaps he is not wearing any pants?

Yes, this IS what you get when you put a link to your Livejournal on Random. :)

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From:joeshlabotnik
Date:September 14th, 2006 02:48 am (UTC)

Re: randomly...

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I welcome all comments, even Random ones!

I think if he were photographed in the act of committing the act he's accused of committing, he'd look a bit more surprised. I know I would be. No, I'm going to say that even a corpse molester can take pride in his appearance. Got to look good for the sex slave, you know.

By the way, as Dave Barry might say, "Corpse Molester and the Sex Slaves" would be a good name for a band. As would "Sex Slave and the Corpse Molesters".
From:(Anonymous)
Date:September 22nd, 2006 04:41 am (UTC)

Random Internet Lurker

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ok THATS freaking funny
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