Peter, Not Joe (joeshlabotnik) wrote,
Peter, Not Joe

News You Can Use

Princeton, June 2, 2006 - If there was anything else that happened in the world while we were at Reunions, we didn't hear about it. We're pretty well-insulated there.

I didn't buy the paper; the headline told me pretty much all there is to know. For example, I know there were no zombies involved because "Corpse Molester Kept Zombie Sex Slaves" would have been an irresistibly better headline. Probably no teenagers, either. Too bad. "I Was A Corpse Molester's Teenage Zombie Sex Slave" would have made a great magazine article title.

What I didn't learn is how a corpse molester finds a sex slave in the first place. I mean, I'm a decent enough guy, and I've never been successful at attracting a sex slave. Yet a freaking corpse molester manages to get one. Life is so unfair.

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